High Speed Taxi

“Clear!” The words rang across the tarmac at TKI. As the engine caught, I positioned the throttle for 1500 RPMs to warm up the engine on a chilly day, and finished the rest of the “Starting Engine” check list.

Starter disengaged? Check. Oil pressure? Rising into the green. Turn off electric pump – pressure steady on the engine driven mechanical pump. Turn on the Avionics and radios.
“Collin County Automated weather. 22 57 Zulu. Temperature 8, dewpoint -2. winds 180 at 5. Sky clear, visibility 10. Altimeter 30.31. Contact ground on 121.8, advise on initial contact you have India”

It’s Sunday morning. Despite the previous post, I’m not in church, I am flying my Beechcraft Sundowner, a low wing 4 seater with one 180 HP engine on the front.

After contacting ground, I’m cleared to taxi using taxiway Alpha to the end of runway 17 (the number refers to the magnetic heading of the runway, in this case 176 degrees. Pilots are taught to check that the heading on their compass before taking off agrees with the number of the runway assigned to prevent taking off on the wrong runway. The Delta Commuter pilots in Kentucky a few years ago obviously skipped that part).

On the run up – check the controls are free and my own add-on line item – visually check that they move the right way and both gas caps are on. Increase engine RPM to 2200, and turn off the magnetos sequentially and then add carburetor heat, and make sure that in each case the engine drops less than 50 RPMs. Turn off the alternator and make sure that the ammeter goes negative, then turn it back on, and ensure it goes positive. Back to idle, and turn on the radar transponder, make sure I have the right fuel tank selected, fuel mixture is full rich, and electric fuel pump is on. Tune to the tower and call “Sundowner xxx is ready on runway 17, I just had some engine work done, request high speed taxi then return to the end for take off”.
I had some work done on the starter motor. It shouldn’t have affected anything else, but I’m cautious when someone other than me was doing anything to the main component that allows my airplane to go up when I pull on the stick.

“Sundowner xxx cleared high speed taxi runway 17”. I lined up, added full power, but didn’t pull back at flying speed. The sundowner skipped across the bumps, clearing wanting to go up, but I pulled the throttle lever back to idle, and let the aircraft slow down. I pulled off the runway, and called for taxi clearance back to the departure end.

Back at the end, I called for take off clearance,, and asked for some touch and go’s, which were approved. Lined up, and this time at flying speed (65kts) I pulled us off the ground, let the speed climb to 75kts and climbed out at almost 1000 ft/min.

Seems good……

Life, The Universe, and ?????

There is nothing like the death of a parent to get you thinking. I was already of a fairly philosophical mind. Most people use that phrase to really mean Fatalist, accepting whatever the world brings, but I mean that I want to get to the root of it all. The "Why's" of the matter.

Of course I live here in North Dallas, the fundamentalist Christian center of buckle in the Bible Belt. So there is no shortage of pat answers. I should here come clean about my own religious journey – from atheist to Christian to what now? I currently go to a Unitarian church which has the advantage that I can be one thing this week, and another the next, all within the scope of the non-doctrine that defines the UU beliefs. You have to make "beliefs" plural – there are a range of somewhat incompatible beliefs at this church, from Christian to agnostic, passing through Theist (believer in a personal God), Deist (believer in a non-personal god a la Spinoza/Einstein), and Buddhist (no beliefs about god at all) along the way.

I kind of like the universally accepting nature of the UU church, but have some difficulties with the “why bother” part on Sunday mornings. But Sally likes it, and Thing 1 and Thing 2 have made friends there. So we go, if not quite religiously.

Faith. Not an answer for me. Even during my fundie days I wasn’t big on faith. I want evidence. A real Doubting Thomas here, only no risen Christ has ever offered his open side for me to put my hand in. I have never believed the Bible is the Word of God – in fact it flat out says that it is not. Read the first sentences of the Gospel According to John – it is clear that John thinks that Jesus is the Word of God – not the Bible. The Bible simply claims that the Old Testament scriptures were written by men as they were moved by the Spirit of God.

The Bible is also too internally inconstant to be literally the infallible Word (did Judas hang himself, or did he fall over a rock?). No, at best the New Testament is a collection of remembrances that honorable men assembled sometime after the fact. At worst it a sampling of writings assembled and edited 400 years later to support a clerical structure bidding for power in the Roman Empire.

The Why’s are still a mystery. Is every person precious to an all powerful, loving omniscient Being? Then why the suffering and injustice? Is the only answer a Darwinist struggle to survive and nothing means anything except the continued passage of meaningless DNA? Then why Agape and the beauty and poetry?

Mmmm, still working on it…….

The Happy Funeral

Following my father's death, he was cremated. I suppose it is lucky that we did it in that order!

My Dad didn’t want a sad funeral service in a church, so we reserved a room at the funeral home in Erie PA, put a notice in the paper, and made some calls. Dad didn’t think he had a lot of friends, but close to 200 people turned up for the “celebration”.

He had a clock in the basement that every hour made a (really loud) noise like a steam train. I hid it under the lectern so that at 2pm the funeral/celebration got kicked of with the sound of a train, and laughter! We had some readings; we watched video of him on the PBS TV station (WQLN), and then people were asked if they wanted to say a few words.

My Mom told the story of how they had met. She was a 16 year old schoolgirl, and had noticed a slightly older boy. Once day after school, she came out of class to find that her bike had a flat tire. The older boy was there, saw her distress, and offered to help her. He pumped up her tire, and offered to ride with her to make sure it would stay up. It did. They became friends, and stated dating, eventually marrying 4 years later.

Only later did he admit that he had let all the air out in the first place!

Other people spoke, one a 12 year old neighbor boy who made everyone teary-eyed by saying how much he was going to miss my Dad. Finally, the celebration ended with “When the Saint Go Marching In” played by a local jazz musician on his banjo! This man was so moved I understand he has refused payment.

Finally, a dinner for about 85 people at my parent’s club in Erie, and the deed was done. My Dad’s ashes will be sprinkled over my sister’s grave in England, in March 2009.

Several people commented to me that it was the happiest funeral they had ever been to! I think Dad would have enjoyed it.

The Pale Horseman Visits

The past several weeks have been really strange. I suppose others go through this with the death of a parent, but it is different when it you, yourself.

I arrived at my father's bedside late on Sunday afternoon. He had been declining over the past several days, and was now semi conscious. I had been told that the last sense to go is hearing, so while my Dad appeared unresponsive, I talked to him and told him I was here, complained about the snowy roads, and asked him if he needed anything. He said softly "No". I think that was his last word.

The next day he was even less responsive. His irregular breathing became gasps with periods of no breathing at all, followed by another set of gasps. The medical care givers said that it wasn't distressing for the patient (and how would they know?). Whenever I or my Mom spoke in the room, his body would shiver, like he wanted to respond, but he didn't. His eyes were shut or slightly open, but not moving or blinking. Each night, a care taker would come and sit with Dad so that Mom and I could sleep; she had instructions to get us up if something was happening.

Tuesday was more or less a repeat of Monday. He still shivered and jerked when talked to, still gasped his breaths and hung on. Each day a hospice nurse would visit my parents and examine my Dad, and talked to us afterwards. He said that my Father probably had less than 24 hours left, and called a minister who came and gave what could best be described as a Protestant Christian version of the last rites, and anointed his forehead with oil, which made him jerk and shiver. My Dad was not to my knowledge religious, except I think he believed in God, because my Mom had said how angry my Dad was at God for the death of my sister aged 13. How he felt and what he thought about being anointed with oil and prayed over is a mystery. My impression was that he was not pleased.

On Wednesday morning, his breathing became very shallow with long halts between breaths. He was totally unresponsive to sound, light or even touch. We both told him that he could go, that I would look after Mom and that she would be alright. There was no reaction.

At 11:40 am, his mouth suddenly closed, his breathing normalized, his eyes opened and he looked up and to the left. Suddenly he was fully present and alert, but couldn't talk or move. What was he seeing? My Mom thought he seemed surprised. I didn't sense that, but it was clear that something was happening. Then he just seemed to fade out, like an old TV turning off with the dot shrinking to the center of the screen.

My Mom tried to close his eyes, thinking he was gone, but they kept opening again. I could see he still had a pulse in his neck, and kept trying to wave her off (I didn't want to speak - I couldn't think what was the right way to say "no, he's not dead yet", especially if he could hear and understand me). We held his hands and waited.

At 11:50 am, his breathing slowed, and stopped, and the carotid pulse became thin and faded out. He was gone. Or had he left his chrysalis 10 minutes before? I had heard that people in a near death experience reported looking down on their body from above. I looked up and around, but could get no sense of him up there. I hope my sister came to get him, and they left together.What did he see when he became lucid? Was it the tunnel of light? Was it a sudden realization that here comes death now, then nothingness? Did he leave his body behind and go somewhere else? Or merge into a universal consciousness?

I am thankful that his passing was not sudden and unexpected from the purely selfish standpoint that I had time to tell him I loved him, and there were no major unresolved feelings or issues left behind (there are always minor ones). I am sorry it was long and sometimes painful for him, and exhausting for my Mom.

I still think, several times a day, "What did he see"?

Death and the Engineer

My Father is on his deathbed. I am up early to catch a plane to NW Pennsylvania to be with him, he is not expected to live out the week. This is hard.

He is 76. Born in England, he lived there until at age 45, following the death of my younger sister Elizabeth at age 13, he and my Mother sold everything and moved to Erie PA. They have been there ever since. His passion in life was always trains. He became an Engineer, and has spent his life designing locomotives and rolling stock. It's nice to be paid for your hobby. Perhaps someday, someone will pay me for flying, which is mine.

What is Death? I am thinking more and more that as the creators of the universe we see, we must ourselves be somehow external to it. This could mean that we become something else and go somewhere else ( a kind of heaven/afterlife), or that we are part of an overall universal consciousness (Nirvana) into which we are reabsorbed after death. I talked with my dead sister in a dream a few weeks ago - was it just a dream, an illusion created by my subconscious to make me feel better, or a connection to another reality? I wish I could remember what we talked about. The location was interesting - kind of like an airport or train terminal - lot's of people coming and going, but no sense of urgency - like sitting at a restaurant at San Francisco airport on a 4 hour layover.

Or Death could just be the end. The machine wears out, or is damaged. Consciousness is just an illusion formed by the mechanical, chemical, electrical and quantum processes in the 2lbs of brain matter in my skull. If so, what a waste. We come into this world knowing nothing, do things in our youth with no experience, and by the time we get wisdom, it's time to go.

My Dad is about to find out.

Time and the nature of now

Time is short. Now is the time. Father Time. We have lots of time.


I have been thinking a few years now about the nature of time. In particular, what is now? As I write this, it is 3:26 pm, and it is the present. Now it is 3:27 pm, and time I wrote the prior sentence is now in the past, and this is the present. What happened? What changed to make the present into the past? How does the future become the present (and then the past)?

The world could be like a old time movie reel. The whole story is actually already filmed, and in a can. The characters in the plot don't know they are in a movie, as each frame is displayed, they experience a "now", and have the illusion of free will - the ability to make decisions, and see the results. But since the future (the frames yet to be shown) is just as real as the past (the frames that have already been shown), their sense of freedom of action is not real, from the viewpoint of a "super-time" resident outside of the can. In Christian terms, this is a form of Calvinism, as practiced by Presbyterians and Baptists (although most don't know that is their doctrinal belief) - a belief where the future is fixed, and some are born to be saved, while some are born to be damned. I suspect Islam has similar view - "God's will be done", but I'm not as familiar with Muslim thought.

In physics, there are lots of equations that include "t", standing for time. Some don't, for example "F=MA", Newton's 2nd law, which says that a force acting on an object of mass "M", will create an acceleration in equal proportion. No time there, except as implied by acceleration, which is the rate of change of velocity over time. but extending the concept gives us "v=u+at", which says that if you apply an acceleration over a time period ("t"), you will get a change in velocity in addition to the starting velocity ("u"). So "t" is a range of times, say 10 seconds.

It doesn't say if that 10 seconds was last week, 3 billion years ago, or 2 years in the future. It doesn't say "the time between 09:10:23 EST on Tuesday October 7th, 2008, and 10 seconds after that". These equations (and all others in physics that I have ever seen) take no regard of the present (or past, or future), only a period of time, indistinguishable from any other, and to an observer in the same inertial frame of reference (nod to Einstein and relativity), always passing at the rate of 1 second per second, 60 seconds per minute, 60 minutes per hour, 24 hours per (Earth) day.

I think we get the closest to an answer from quantum mechanics. Heisenberg's uncertainty principle says that that for a particle, the values of position and momentum, cannot both be known with precision. The more precisely one variable is known, the less precisely the other is known. This is not a statement about the limitations of a researcher's ability to measure particular quantities of a system, but rather about the nature of the system itself. In other words, nature itself is fuzzy, and it takes a conscious act of observation (measurement) to resolve the fuzziness, but the more you know (or tune in to) about one attribute, the more fuzzy (out of tune) everything else becomes. It's not just you - the universe is actually itself "fuzzy".

The Universe (at a quantum level at least) is unresolved until an observer measures it. By measuring, I don't mean with a yardstick or scales - simply seeing or feeling something is enough. Schrondinger's cat illustrates this nicely (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schrodingers_cat). Schrodinger envisaged an experiment, where a macro event (whether a cat lived or died) is tied to a random quantum event, such as the decay of an unstable radioactive atom. According to quantum theory, the cat is both dead, and alive at the same time, until the experimenter checks to see if the cat is alive or dead, at which point the quantum uncertainty collapses into one of the two possible states, and we know that the cat either lives, or is dead. Leaving aside all the cosmological interpretations of this (e.g. Everett's Many Worlds theory, vs. the Copenhagen (just follow the math) interpretation), this might start us on the road to understanding what is Time, and what is Now.

I think Now is best defined as "the moment the quantum uncertainty is resolved through observation". I don't think it necessarily means that this Now is any different from all the other "nows". Our conscious brains give the illusion of things happening in a particular way and order, but it is more like the movie reel - only one frame is the Now, but all the other frames are equally valid and imminent.

Yesterday, Barak Obama won the election to become the first "African American" president of the USA. Expectations are so high, it is inevitable that there will be dissappointment. He won't even be president for another 12 weeks....and frankly, I am afraid of the right wing crazies, racists and Dick Cheney - will they do something to prevent him from being sworn in?

My state (Texas) went the other way - not unexpected, it's Bush country. McCain lawn signs only slightly outnumbered Obama signs in the lawns of North Dallas - perhaps representative of the 55-45 split in the state - closer than I thought. I heard 2 older guys at a high school football game talking about how Obama was the anti-christ, and that "people have to wake up!". Of course, since the Bible says that no-one will know who the anti-christ is, by definition they must be wrong........... After the Rapture, perhaps I can get some of the vacant good seats at the 50 yards line.

Blogging is harder than I would have expected. You've got to have something to say, something that others will hopefully find interesting. Or is this more like a diary? I tried keeping a diary when I was a teen - it lasted about a week. If I didn't find my life interesting, why should someone else?